tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70362130802368464092024-03-04T22:59:30.116-08:00Mattie's CollectionThe road of life we travel may bring us twists and turns. But faith will see us through this lesson I have learned. My journey has brought me to this day, lessons have been learned, changes have been made. Today I share those lessons with others and continue working to end domestic violence.Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-17542536431280522872023-02-15T10:13:00.006-08:002023-02-15T10:25:42.332-08:00You're The Man Now<p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white;">W</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">atching television and finding a patterner
that shows up in families regardless of ethnicity, or religion. After the death
of a father figure, someone turns to the oldest boy child and says, </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">"You're
the man of the house now. You have to step up."</i><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"> </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"> Young girls are asked to take on extra responsibilities to help the mother get through the day. </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><i>Stop doing that</i>. They are still children and have enough to be responsible for. They just lost a parent, processing that fact, and worrying about what happens now is enough.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif" style="color: #222222; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My father passed away when I was 15 and I
assure you processing that, adjusting to a new norm that I had no choice in
making was a heavy enough load. My family was changed and learning to find my
place again was all I could handle. My mother was lost, she relied on my father
for nearly everything. She was now the primary parent and wasn’t prepared for that role. I had older stepbrothers, however, they didn't live in our home, so I took on responsibilities
I was not prepared for nor did I have enough knowledge about.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;"> My younger sister by only two years didn't adjust well to me telling her what to do. She became rebellious and at times refused to listen to me at all.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;">Boys came into my life around this time. Again an experience I was not prepared for. I soon was involved with a boy four years older than me. He became my world, we met in October, and by late April of the next year, I was pregnant, and by June I was married. Again another responsibility I was not prepared for. I was now a teen mother and married at age sixteen.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; font-size: medium; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As I look back at that time of my life a helpful alternative from an adult might have been, <i>"I know you are probably scared and wondering, what happens now, knowing our lives
will be different and it's okay to feel scared. We will have to make
adjustments, and we can work together to get things done. It's okay to feel sad and cry. Always know you can talk to me and I will do my best to help you."</i> As parents, too often we think we are supposed to have all the answers, you don't have to have all the answers immediately, it's okay to say to a child, I am a little scared too and sad, but we can get through this. No responsibility, other than those they are already responsible for, should be placed on the child. Children do not step up to be an adult or have the answers.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;">Along with my own experience and working as a LAC (Licensed Additions Counselor)</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;"> and behavioral change facilitator for domestic violence perpetrator classes and victim's assistant, I saw firsthand the pressures we place on our children. We fight in front of them or send them to their rooms to listen in the dark to the scary sounds downstairs. We place adult responsibilities on their shoulders, those shoulders aren't built to carry that load.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;">Regardless of how difficult it may seem for us, the adults, we must bare the responsibility, look for the answers, and let the children be children.</span></p>Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-74817240446193748392021-12-16T04:38:00.001-08:002021-12-16T04:38:48.687-08:00Grey's Anatomy DOA<p><span style="font-family: arial;">Watching season 18 of GA has been painful, to say the least. The writing staff seems to have lost their reasoning and sense of direction or purpose. Season seventeen was painful, but understandable as the show was making the effort to show how Covid was affecting the nation, the hospital, and relationships. All in all, they did a fine job.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Enters season eighteen. It has been painful from the beginning. We viewers all hoped, now that the corvid writing had ended, our favorite characters would appear once more and the show would go on. Instead, we have a tired Merideth, a shaky Amelia, and a missing Maggy. I personally am okay Maggy is m-i-a, she has never been a favorite for me. I am struggling to try to figure out why Nick Marsh was brought back. The most sensible match for Merideth is <span style="background-color: white; color: #2f3846;">Dr. Cormac Hayes, played by Richard Flood</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2f3846;">. The previews for this week's show, however, suggest we may be losing both him and Dr.Owen Hunt.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #2f3846;">Amelia has struggled with addiction since she first steps foot on Greys. As a retired addictions counselor my view of the writing for this character needed to be researched a little more. They keep saying she has recovered, however that isn't what has happened. Amelia is simply a "not using". It is concerning for this writer, as recovery is much more than not using substances, it's about how the person faces their life on a daily basis. Just about the time, we think she is on the road to recovery the writing shows us she isn't. Recovery is also about taking back responsibility for that my life, and feeling good about it. Amelia's character has never truly recovered. She lives in fear every day and shares that fear with everyone. True recovery brings confidence back to the addict. This doesn't mean the person gets cocky or arrogant, but rather the person feels capable of making daily decisions for themselves, learning to trust themselves again. She has never reached this point. She questions everything she does or says, as well as those around her. She doesn't trust anyone really and most importantly she doesn't trust herself.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #2f3846;">Addison, our double board-certified, confident and beautiful Addy, it was so great to hear she was making an appearance, but the actual arrival left us wondering, what was the point. Addison's character is a great part, too bad the current writers forgot that. She and Merideth seemingly made a truce with their past, but it was so trivial we almost missed it. I was hoping Addy would have a bigger part in this season and maybe return to Grey-Sloan in a meaningful manner. No such luck apparently.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #2f3846;">As for Dr. Baily, besides the fact I haven't been a fan since a few episodes before they made her chief, she doesn't feel part of what is going on now. She is still fighting to show who is boss and losing. The false relationship the writers keep tossing out there between her and Merideth is painful. She made it clear years ago she didn't like Merideth, she's been jealous of Mer since the beginning and I've seen nothing through the years that convinces me she has changed her mind.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #2f3846; font-family: arial;">So in conclusion, for this viewer, it is time to call it. Stop all efforts to resuscitate, the patient coded.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #2f3846;">#Grey's Anatomy #hemoraging #time of death</span></span></p>Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-3936307482884534882021-10-29T09:29:00.000-07:002021-10-29T09:29:12.128-07:00REFLECTION<p><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">We often think of this word with regard to searching for
healing. I try to practice reflection
every day. While looking at myself I try
to strive to be the best me I can be. I have learned when I journal, I am able
to put on paper what I can’t express otherwise. At times I save the writing and others are
ripped up and tossed. The exercise of putting thoughts down in black and white, and
discarding brings clarification and relief for me.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">This week my social media feed has had several postings from
those in obvious pain. I say obvious as
the words they use, and the message posted clearly indicates they are hurting. One of the best lessons in my twenty-plus
years as an addiction counselor, a batterer’s invention specialist, and providing
services for victims of domestic violence, there is a common theme “Hurt People;
Hurt People”. When our own pain becomes
too much to face, too overpowering, to deal with, we do and say things we don’t
mean. We lash out, we point fingers, we become defensive, and we hurt the very
people we love the most. Unfortunately, while in our own pain, we no longer
have the perspective of reality. We shut
down, we no longer hear others therefore we can not hear their message of care
or reason. I have long found when I
write, the message is found by the people who need it most, including myself. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">As the AA Big Book points out; Acceptance is the answer to “ALL”
of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place,
thing, or situation- some fact of my life unacceptable to me, and I can find no
serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly
the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing,
happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could
not stay sober; unless I accept my life completely on life's terms, I cannot be
happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the
world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. Alcohol can be
substituted with almost any extreme action. We become “addicted”
to many things and use them as crutches to navigate life. Truth is the only
answer.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">My truth, my affirmation for today:<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">I sit in my silence, I breathe in and breath out, I close my
eyes and relax to listen to that voice that is always inside of me beseeching
me to listen, not speak, listen, not let random thought confuse me or overpower
me. In the silence, the truth can be found. In the silence, I become more open to reality and to acceptance. I wish all acceptance and peace...<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: medium;">Namaste</span><o:p></o:p></p>Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-88402508441260212912021-03-05T08:46:00.002-08:002021-03-05T08:46:55.601-08:00I AM ME<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">I AM ME</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">I am not them or
they, I am me</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">Standing two feet on
the ground</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">Simply wanting to be
free</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">Free to walk down the
street without fear</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">Free to say what I
want loud and clear</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">Free to do what I
please</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">Even taking a knee</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">Free to be the person
I was born to be</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">No matter how I look
on the outside</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">My true Spirit lives
on the inside</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">I am not a he or a
she I am me</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">You can’t keep me
down</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">For I will stand my
ground </p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">I will unit in the
streets</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">I will speak what I
speak</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">My brothers and
sisters will unit with me</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">For you see we are
not He or She</p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">We are all born just
to be </p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">I AM ME...</p>Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-90175324713615913572019-07-19T09:04:00.000-07:002019-07-19T09:04:29.564-07:00Division Of Our CountryI was watching a video clip and the speaker made the statement, " Our country is more divided now than it has ever been". Really? I concede the country is divided and we have much to mend and heal. The racial divide, gender, sexual orientation, pro-choice, left or right, Christian or not, religion in school the list goes on and on. Yet this still does not reach the level of the aforementioned statement.<br />
<br />
Let's talk about the most divided time in our nation's history. A mere 154 years ago, April 9, 1865, was the end of the Civil War. A war fought within our borders. A battle that took 750,000 lives, that's roughly 504 deaths a day. A clear and a greatly debated subject of who and who was not equal as human beings. The need to support a lifestyle that far too many had grown comfortable with, the idea that color divided and defined who was and who was not worthy. Not just worthy of possessions and wealth, but of being treated with respect and dignity, to be called "human". At that time men, women and children deemed slaves were mere property, and their treatment no better than the animals that served their owner. Oft times treatment wasn't a good as that of animals. Step out of line, not knowing your place could bring punishment of such cruelty it defies comprehension. Families were separated, people sold and traded like goods to be had. Their difference measured yet further based on the depth of their skin pigmentation. The darker their skin the less value they held.<br />
<br />
We have the opportunity before us to decide which side of history shall we stand on. In another hundred and fifty-four years, when this time and place is discussed will people speak kindly of the condition of the human race, will the memory of you be one of those who stood and maintained the integrity by standing with the marginalized of today and walking with them in the journey of equality, of justice and of common decency. Will you be remembered as that person who held to their own moral convictions even if it meant standing alone or at least felt like you were. Every day we are watching as people of families are being pulled apart, sanctioned for their desire to live a better life, to seek refuge from tyranny, wanting only to be free and live as every human has the right to.<br />
<br />
And while it may feel like "our country is more divided now than it has ever been" now is the chance to speak up, speak out, march, write the countries leaders, vote for people of good conscience and moral character and assure we do not reach that level of injustice ever again. Help to give what every human deserves, the right to be treated as a human, live with family and support their family unit. Be the friend you would want to have, be the neighbor that is dependable, be the light at the end of a very long tunnel and most of all express love and compassion to all you meet. May the darkness that overshadows our nation at this time be released and our light of inclusiveness shine brightly.<br />
<br />
Love is always the answer... NamasteMattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-7720335263305847742019-04-25T21:15:00.001-07:002019-04-25T21:15:15.255-07:00Poem The Master's Plan<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The Master’s Plan</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The stars, the moon, the sky high above</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Were all made from a gentle hand of love</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The rivers the streams where gentle ripples flow</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Reflection of the evening’s sun all aglow</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The fields and the grasses the wildflowers grow</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">We've only to listen and we will know</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Arise in the morning to the birds while they sing</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Their voices in tune with springs gentle rain</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">A man and a woman were placed here too</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The long-ago beginnings of me and of you</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Made in the image, but what does that mean</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">How do you see what’s never been seen</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The heart knows the answer it’s simple as can be</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Breathe in the Spirit and then share it with me</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I Am that I Am the breeze gently whispers</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">It doesn't matter if I’m a miss or a mister</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">God knows our hearts and that’s all the matters</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Don’t get wrapped up in all of the chatter</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">With arms wide open and love in our hearts</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">That’s where real change finds its start.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Mattie Herald ©</span>Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-72784684112457456082019-04-22T21:38:00.001-07:002019-04-25T21:02:05.796-07:00Sacrifice - After all I have done for you...<div class="vmod" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
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<b>Recently I heard a parent say about her child, <i>"she doesn't know all I have sacrificed for her.</i></b><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>The dictionary defines sacrifice this way: noun: An act of slaughtering an animal or person or surrendering a possession as an offering to God or to a divine or supernatural figure, as a verb: Offer to kill as a religious sacrifice.</b></span></i></div>
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<li style="border: 0px; font-size: small; list-style: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>I have to ask myself, did this mother really offer a "sacrifice" in the name of her daughter? My best guess is no. Yet I have heard people make statements like this one many times when it comes to their children. I don't see providing for and raising children as any type of sacrifice. Any and all we do for our children should be done so in respect, nourishing and an understanding that when bringing a child into the world accepting the fact that I now must care for this tiny human until they are no longer under my care and/or can care for themselves. When they become adults they still need our care and love. We need to be a sounding board, a safe place to bring questions and concerns. And although we may see a situation that needs our advice, we must allow them to live their lives as they see fit. One of the hardest rules to follow, keeping my nose out of my adult child's business unless they ask. There are a couple acceptions to the rule, domestic violence, and child abuse, and we need to educate ourselves in these areas in order to give the best advice. Even then we have to allow our child to make their own choices. When they continue making painful choices, it breaks our hearts, and all we can do it offer our knowledge and support until they are ready to make a change.</b></span></li>
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<li style="border: 0px; font-size: small; list-style: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>As a parent my life changes, my priorities and needs for myself may have to change in exchange for the needs of my child. This isn't a sacrifice, this is being a responsible and loving parent. I make these changes willingly and without feelings of loss. The only feeling and action is the unconditional love for my children. This doesn't mean I approve of all their choices and the way they may have chosen to live. It simply means I stay in my space and assure them I am always available and love them. Being a parent isn't easy at times nor rewarding for that matter, however, we do what is expected and do so willingly and lovingly to best of our ability. Telling a child, " you don't know the sacrifices I made so you could have", is shaming to the child, causing them to question and debt themselves and their worthiness. In order to raise confident and able humans, we first must recognize being a parent is never a sacrifice, but a privilege and honor.</b></span></li>
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Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-84961327179393724712018-10-10T07:44:00.001-07:002018-10-10T08:23:46.669-07:00Women Who Stand With TrumpI saw a posting that stated, they must like being grabbed by the pu*y, in reference to women seen with and speaking up for the president. I don't believe this is the case. I do believe they believe what they have been taught to believe. The majority of the women, I have noticed, seems to be older and white, not all, but certainly a majority. They have little to no personal power, they have been taught they are to submit to the males in their lives, and that doing otherwise will bring them harm or place them without means to care for themselves, and or somehow lesser for not having a male in their life. I can see it even in those women in positions of power who are yet not really speaking their own truth. They go with the flow and make no waves in order to remain in the perceived position. I further believe they feel standing where they are at this moment is a sense of safety, falsely so, but safety still.<br />
<br />
My personal experience and the work I have done for the past two decades with <a href="http://www.nonviolentalternatives.com/" target="_blank">Nonviolent <span style="vertical-align: inherit;"><span class="gr-progress" style="vertical-align: inherit;">Alternatives</span></span></a><span style="vertical-align: inherit;"><span style="vertical-align: inherit;"> <span style="vertical-align: inherit;"><span class="" style="vertical-align: inherit;">give</span></span> me evidence of my previous statements. I believe that we gain nothing by calling them names and standing against them. We must find the way to open their eyes and minds to the understanding of being equal as possible and taking a stand against such predators is the true safety they seek as our numbers of a supportive sisterhood grow.</span></span><br />
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They are a product of the way our culture has taught women we are somehow each others enemy. From an early age, girls have been taught that we cannot trust one another, we are dependent upon men to tell us how to live, dress, talk, walk, and in general how we show up in our world. Looking back at the history of social behavior of girls, they pair off in the have's and have-not, in the pretty or not, in the smart or not. Over the past few years we have started making <span style="vertical-align: inherit;"><span style="vertical-align: inherit;">changes</span></span>, however, we still have far to go. It was made abundantly clear by the last <span style="vertical-align: inherit;"><span style="vertical-align: inherit;">presidential election, we aren't as progressive as we thought we were, which is maddening, and our disbelief is just now really settling in. It showed us that the very prejudice we thought we had so greatly changed, was silently waiting for a leader and the candidate they needed showed up and convinced them they were right and that we had been hurting them by our desire to find equality in all areas. They are somehow now the victim and those perceived wrongs.</span></span><br />
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So the next time you see a woman who appears supportive of the restrictive rules of women, reach out, start a conversation of real substance, share your ideas and thoughts in a safe manner<span style="vertical-align: inherit;"><span style="vertical-align: inherit;">, no name calling, not accusations, no judgment. Let's provide that real safety we as women need. Let us learn to trust one another and lean on one another, and stand together in the spirit of safety, progress, equality as we navigate the further together. Let us provide a safe place for all of us including like-minded males wishing to join us in our pursuit or justice, fairness, and equality for all. </span></span>Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-30171662431409677922018-05-09T05:55:00.004-07:002018-08-24T08:29:56.181-07:00We Make Our Own Chaos I recently had someone tell me how they felt like their life is overwhelming. I know we all feel this way from time to time. When I get there I step back to take a look at what is going on and make the needed adjustments to correct the situation. So I did that for this person. I watched for just one day and could see very clearly they were making their own chaos...<br />
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In this place of confusion, we are very overwhelmed and exhausted. I mentally made a checklist of all the things this person was telling me about their life and how out of control they felted from it all. Standing "outside" their life it was easy to see why this person was experiencing these feelings and emotions. I tried to extend some suggestions of change, however, the response was "you just don't understand, my life is just crazy right now". This person also told me that someone else told them their priorities were wrong.<br />
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The truth is I do understand, once we are in the middle of this emotional hurricane existence, it becomes very difficult to see and make the needed adjustments. What their friend was trying to say in the statement about priorities was really saying take a look at your life and hit the reset button. When we live in chaos we experience extreme emotions and when others try to assist us, we can perceive this to be them meddling in our life, which is exactly what my friend thought was going on. When someone suggests we take a look at our priorities, it doesn't say I am wrong, it only says I am not seeing things clearly because I have allowed the external life to take over my internal feelings and emotions. When this happens "I can only see the chaos and forget I still can take control".<br />
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How we view our world is the world we build for ourselves. Next time you feel like the world is spinning around you, your life is out of control, step back take a look, prioritize and resume. It is the act of getting my emotions intact that allows me to once more take control of my life. It doesn't mean the events of my daily living aren't important or even wrong, it is how they affect my behavior and feelings that I need to change. We all have those parts of our lives that we sometimes just wish they didn't exist, but they do and we have to deal with them, we simply do not have to allow them to hijack our lives and take control of us.<br />
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So let us all step back, take a took, hit the restart button and start over any time we need to as many time a day that we might need to...<br />
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Wishing you all peace and less chaos,<br />
Namaste...Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-7171140869761931662018-04-26T15:03:00.002-07:002018-04-26T15:03:25.847-07:00Preparing For The Future<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I was watching a video as a couple who had just met were answering questions for each other about themselves. The young lady had found the questions on the internet, printed them out prior to their meeting, suggesting it might be an icebreaker. The young man was willing to participate. Some of the questions were minorly superficial, while others were more of a deeper inquiry. One question, in particular, caught my attention. The question was "If you had a crystal ball which could answer any question what would you want the know?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The young man answered, "I'd like to know how long it would be before I died, you know so you could look ahead and plan to live your life." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">How many of us walk through our day unaware of people, places and things around us; unaware of the way we interact with family, friends, or strangers. How many of us aren't paying attention? We say things like when I get a better job, when a get more time, more money, more... then I will...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">How different would our lives be if we examined today, thought about living an authentic life today? What does it mean to live authenticly? It means showing up, looking today in the eye and standing your ground. Too often we stand back and let today and too many opportunities pass us by. We give ourselves all sorts of reasons why and giving justifications for not stepping forward. At the end of the day, we reflect on what might have been and lament on the losses. If only I had said hello to the cute guy in the store if only I had given my opinion on a new way to get that big project done at the office. If only I had told my family how much I loved them and how much they mean to me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: helvetica neue, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">We don't need an expiration date from a crystal ball to live the life we want, we only have to step up today. If we want more, if we have opinions we need to speak our minds and reach for more. We stand in the shadows in fear. We fear what others will think or say, we stand in fear of rejections, or not being good enough. The truth is we are good enough, we do have value, we have the skills and ability to live right now if we only step forward and live the way we want to live. This doesn't mean we won't have disappointments, we will, however, the disappointments are a part of living fully. The rewards far outway the potential of failures.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: helvetica neue, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">So reach out, take a chance, go for the brass ring, because, in reality, the future is right now, we all have an expiration date. Blessings to all and here's to living an authentic life! </span></div>
Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-44573393049659626302018-03-28T06:58:00.001-07:002018-03-28T06:58:07.332-07:00You Keep Buying Corn Flakes<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666;">For today I see conflict as growth, disagreement as learning. Today I affirm my strength in my faith that love is the answer and hope is the light which will le</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #666666; display: inline;">ad me to a higher plain. I reach out and extend a hand to those in pain and need. Today I shall speak a message of good no matter what others may say or do. When one light shines in the night it draws more light and the darkness is cleared away and I can once more see. We must remember to keep walking towards the edge of the light, with each new step more light is there.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #666666; display: inline;">There have been moments in my life when I wasn't sure if I could continue. I can recall standing in the shower tears in my eyes and wishing it would all just go away. All the pain, all the turmoil, all the uncertainty. My faith was weak, I didn't feel loved, and love seemed a distant island in the abyss of nowhere. I was sure no one cared and if there was a God why was I so miserable?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #666666; display: inline;">Those days those thoughts are far and away in the shadowy mist of remembrance. I think about them from time to time and wonder how I ever got that low. What I didn't realize at the time was there were many who loved and cared about me, I just couldn't see them for living in this veil of self-pity and despair. There were very real problems in my life, but instead of seeking help and understand there is nothing we can't overcome when we set our minds to it, I continued to live in that dark unhealthy place.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #666666; display: inline;">After years of self-defeat and blaming others for my life circumstances, I met someone who became a friend, and confidant who was smart enough and bold enough to say to me, <b>"stop buying corn flakes"...</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">Being very puzzled by his statement I asked him, "exactly what do you mean?" His response was this: It's like walking down the aisle in the grocery, your really tired of corn flacks every morning and you've written on your list to change the cereal. Find something different, something more to your liking. When you get to the cereal aisle you're prepared to find a new cereal, a cereal really different, but you're walking and walking, and you see this eye-catching new colorful box standing on the self in front of you. The packaging looks great and without paying attention to the contents, you put the brightly colored box in your cart and off you go. You're home now, you put your purchases away, and the next morning you are all prepared for this new treat. You're even thinking, oh I didn't even look to see what the cereal was, oh well anything will be better than corn flakes. You reach into the cabinet, pull the box off the self, you put your bowl on the table, get the milk out of the refrigerator, you are so excited for that first taste of something new. As you begin to pour the contents into the bowl the reality hits you. It's just cornflakes again, the box looked new, and you didn't look to see what the cereal was, and in your haste, for new and better you didn't do enough looking or paying attention to the contents. As you sit there, disappointment sets in and as you dip your spoon in the bowl you think to yourself, oh well this will have to do, corn flakes are better than nothing." </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This simple analogy was a shock to my system as he spoke to me, he was able to get me to see more in the brief moment than all the searching I had done heretofore, looking for the answer out there in the unknown and in someone else, when it was right in front of me all the time. Only I could change my outcomes, only I had the power to improve my circumstances, only I could make me happy, only I could stop buying "corn flakes"!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How many of us have to spend a lifetime buying corn flakes wishing they were rice crispies? When we take control of our lives, stop accepting the same answers over and over again expecting a different outcome, which is the definition of insanity, we will find that which sustains us. When we turn inwardly and see ourselves and the possibilities that live within us, we can begin to see the world around us differently. We can find better solutions and answers that will take us in a completely different direction. When we look inside we can see the love that lives there, this love is the love that really matters the most. When I love myself my world changes. Those things I desire are waiting out there for me, and with a different sense of self-worth, I stop accepting what I don't want.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Blessings to all this day, enjoy some rice crispies, you deserve them.</span>Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-3478732683643760222018-03-26T04:51:00.000-07:002019-03-11T06:12:26.839-07:00Affirmations, Intentions, Actions<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666;">My affirmation: I hold the world in positive energy. I step back, breathe deeply and know that I am a Spiritual Being capable of unconditional love. I stop an</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #666666; display: inline;">d change my vibration from negative to positive. I can hold others in healing light and love even when we do not agree. I resolve this conflict within myself by understanding my path and theirs are not in unison at this time. I lift prayers for the common good, loving light for the world I see. I breathe in acceptance and breathe out conflict. I breathe in joy and release sadness. I am encouraged to speak truth and love in all my affairs this day. I envision a world of acceptance of one another and do my part to bring that vision to reality.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #666666; display: inline;"><br /></span></span> <span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">I was recently told, "you can't change the world so why do you try"? My wholehearted response is because I believe I can, I believe we all can. The butterfly effect is always working. When I treat someone with kindness, I have made a difference. At the end of the day all those small seemingly unnoticed actions count. In reality, no action goes unnoticed, even if I am the only person who is aware of the action. Each step I take, each hello, each smile, each kindness counts for something.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span> <span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">No matter how difficult things might seem at the moment there is always hope and faith. When we stand in love and peace we stand in the change we want to see in our world. Too many times we talk about others actions while we are the perpetrator of the same action. There is one great example of this going on all over the world. Like his politics or not, the current president can say words of hate or insensitivity, and immediately he is taken to task. I recall most clearly his words against a reporter with physical challenges, those condemning his actions and words used the same type of actions and words to condemn him. While I do not agree with his treatment of people around him, I do not have to belittle him to express my dislike for those actions. I can in contrast state, I am not in favor of the actions taking by the president. I set the example of disagreement without degrading or belittling. What happens instead is we justify our own bad behavior. By doing so we take the focus off ourselves and lay it solely on the object of our discontent.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span> <span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">How many of us have the same type of actions within the dealings of our families? We give intimidating looks to our children, our partners, the neighbors, the young person behind the counter. We talk about people behind their backs believing what they can't hear me say is okay to say. I've had participants in behavioral change classes ask me "if they can't hear you then what is the harm"? The harm is to both them and myself. I have acted against my own conscience and given my integrity away. You see I know I said the words, I know I was unkind, I know better and need to do better even when no one is looking or listening. It is easy to do the right thing when others eyes and ears are on us, but doing the right thing with no one to witness is important. Doing the right thing then is what builds my character and gives me the strength to act with integrity in all my actions and words. It is the behavior we practice in times of ease that we can call upon in times of trial.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span> <span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">So today I continue my affirmation of peace and practice being the best person I can be. Every day gives me one more chance at being the change I wish to see.</span></span>Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-75346728358189157972018-01-26T07:14:00.001-08:002018-03-26T19:38:28.801-07:00Standing In My PowerThis word "power" conjures up many thoughts, ideas, and meanings. Each is relevant to the moment. We say things like "if I had the power", "he/she is power hungry", "they have all the power". Each of those thoughts is a negative conduit to having and being less powerful.<br />
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<b>If I had the power, I would change the world!</b> Guess what, you do have the power to change the world. Each of us has this power, unfortunately too many of us are afraid of it. We stand back and watch others exercising power and shrink where we stand too afraid to try for fear we will not be accepted, or succeed in our efforts. We only fail by not trying at all. Every word, every motion or lack of either, makes a change in the world.<br />
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<b>He/She is so power hungry!</b> When we look at those with "the hunger" for power, our training in the way we think may cause us to make the hunger for power a negative quality. What if my "hunger for power" were used in a positive manner? What if within my power hunger the desire was to show others their possibilities of power for themselves? Being hungry for one's own truth is that hunger for power and the hunger to achieve it can be exhilarating and freeing.<br />
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<b>They have all the power!</b> Why would I relinquish my own power so easily? This statement immediately removes me from a position of power and places the power in another's hands. When we hide our light, our power, under a bushel and turn away from trying, again we give our power away. When I wonder what other people will think about my choices, about how I see the world, about how I lead my life, walk through my day, I am giving them more power.<br />
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Today I choose to stand in the center of my truth and breathe in my power. I choose not to be afraid of the unknown, to not fear the what if's. Today I claim my power, today I use my power for good, today I breathe in my power and breathe out love and kindness to help others sustain their power. When we walk in love and the willingness to allow others to see that love and demonstrate that love even in times of adversity and doubt we are owning the power. They no longer have the power when the power lives and breathes within me.<br />
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I challenge you to seek your power today. Find that which speaks to your heart and share it with the greatest of courage. Reach out to those around you or across the world and let the power of your light be a beacon of hope, a light shining the way, an example of possibility, the truest meaning of power.Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-48652176641661006172018-01-03T11:39:00.002-08:002018-04-28T06:01:46.222-07:00Healthy Relationships<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We hear it all the time, and we want it for ourselves, this wonderful allusive life of a happily ever after. Otherwise known as a healthy relationship. Before we get to the healthy part let's look at relationships in general. There are three types of relationships, Compulsive, Healthy and Apathetic.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Compulsive</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Intensity without substance. Sometimes called the "big bang theory" Mr. and Mrs. Perfect meet and bang go the emotions, the brain shuts off, we <span style="font-size: 12pt;">get involved in a relationship that probably won’t work. We love all the excitement and how wonderful the relationship makes us feel. It isn't the relationship that is good, it is the excitement that feels good. The relationship takes back seat and focus is placed on the feeling. The excitement keeps us going while the world around us is falling apart. The very thought of the other person can make our head spin and our heart pound. These reactions are all based on the feeling of the moment, and not the substance to sustain a relationship. I'm not saying we shouldn't be excited, but it shouldn't be the most important part of the relationship.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span> <span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">When the relationship takes a nose dive and it will, we either literally fight our way through or walk away while telling ourselves and anyone who will listen, how we knew it wasn't going to work and that we didn't love them anyway. We are in a daze left wondering what the hell happened, why did this person change so much? The fact is they didn't change, nor did we, each of us went back to being who we really are to start with. We stopped trying to impress, thinking we got what we wanted and there is no more need in "being on our best behavior". After all, they got into this relationship with me. Too many times when we first meet someone we "put our best foot forward", why you ask, that's easy, trying to impress them, trying to get them to like us. "If I can get them to just like me then the change in me is worth it." The difficulty is, I can only be someone I'm not for a limited amount of time. We not only make ourselves miserable but those around us miserable as well. So we cut our losses and try the next relationship without doing anything to look within ourselves to see why our relationships keep falling apart.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Apathetic</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Both partners seek to avoid pain. The couple tries </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">to get along with minimal involvement, not wanting to rock the boat. Not wanting to have to participate in understanding the other, or supporting the other. We are able to trick ourselves into believing we have a relationship so we must be "normal, like other couples". We live an existence, not a life. We seek only to remain as conflict-free as possible, with no desire to grow closer or stronger together.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It is amazing to me how people in this category ever get together at all. Think of the effort one must put forth to live in the same space and yet not disturb their lives or the life of the other person. The daily existence sounds exhausting. Lives that are very regimented and mundane which doesn't lead to a happy ever after either. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Healthy</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Find middle ground</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Contains mutual respect</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Normal ups and downs</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Moments of closeness and separateness</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Built on honesty and trust that other will do what is best for the couple</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Happiness is the median</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Both partners are invested in getting to know the other person. Willing to explore the possibilities and negotiate their needs and wants so the relationship is equitable. There is a willingness to understand to allow give and take so there is as little disparity as possible. Each person respects the other's needs and considers them when making choices. While happiness is the mutual state of affairs, we will have ups and downs and will find healthy ways to work through them. We maintain the understanding, your mood doesn't have to dictate my mood and vise-versa. I can maintain empathy with other without having to be in the same emotional state. Healthy relationships understand and practice this.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Healthy relationships don't keep score nor do they have room for bringing up the past to hurt the other while in dispute of a topic. There is honest communication and openness which contains space for both views. Intimacy is more than sex. Intimacy considers the other. We may have intimacy with sex but we also may have sex without intimacy, it's called a one night stand or friends with benefits. The intimacy in healthy relationships is an understanding we have a safe place to fall, a place where our fears, worries, past experiences may be shared without out fear of retaliation due to the knowledge of the other's deepest thoughts, deeds, fears, and past.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As we move forward, let us consider what it is we want for ourselves and those we bring into our lives. If we want good healthy relationships we have to let go of the way we use to be in relationships. As with any recovery program, we first must identify the problem, correct the way we do things and work to not go back to old habits, remembering we can't get good at someone we don't practice.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Healthy relationships contain communication, caring, and commitment. Too often we confuse caring with curiosity. We think we care when what we really want, is to know the other person better. Communication is key, how can I possibly get to know anyone without communicating. If we aren't talking we aren't communicating. If we aren't communicating we aren't learning, if we aren't learning, we aren't growing. When we talk to people long enough, they will tell us a lot about themselves, we need to listen with an open mind, and not be focused on the "awesome sex, great looks, charm, whatever it is that attracted us to them to start with. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Caring comes once we have spent time and gotten to know this person and they know us, we can then move on to commitment or we may choose to simply move on after finding the glue to hold us together doesn't exist. Commitment comes in pieces, yes I will date you, yes I will have sex with you, yes I will move in with you, yes I will buy a house with you, yes I will marry you. We don't lose who we are in this process, in fact, we should grow stronger. We protect ourselves while allowing other to get close to us.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Good luck and wishing all a healthy future.</span><br />
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Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-67833443639510610362017-12-24T16:19:00.000-08:002017-12-24T16:19:01.918-08:00Taking The Risk To Love<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">I read a quote by Erica Jong, a portion of it is “<u>Love is everything it's
cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: #1d2129;">”</span></span></u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">I can only get back what I am willing
to risk. That makes us vulnerable and that scares the hell out of us. So we
tend to hold back instead of living wholeheartedly. The fear of being hurt for
so many, is too risky, we tried it once or twice and got hurt. Now we dangle
our toes in the tepid pool of existing unwilling to jump in with both feet and
allow the love that lives in the center of it all to wash over us and surround
us in the warm pleasure and security that only love brings. We dance around the
edge of the pool watching others who seem to have great love and harbor feelings
of jealousy and discontent asking ourselves "why can’t I have that?"
The simply answer is "because I am not willing to take the risk". <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">Instead we live in that "what
if" state of mind. We think of all the things that could go wrong blocking
any opportunity from true love to get in and things to go right. We’ve been
there and gotten hurt there and are unwilling to go there again. Well I can’t have what I am not willing to
open up to. But what if I get hurt again, you say? Then you get hurt is the answer. We even
sabotage our possibilities of having love. We thought we had it once, only to
find out it was a façade of the true existence of love. So we stand back and
watch the world around us continue to flow, one day into another, one more year
of living in fear so afraid to step up and claim what is ours to have for the
asking. We may even have had a taste of it and convinced ourselves we didn’t
deserve it, “good things are never mine for long, and I’m out of this before
someone else has the change to hurt me again”. Love in of itself does not hurt.
Love is gentle and kind it is the
ego-human side of us that causes the pain. We make mistakes, we choose wrong,
we make more mistakes and say to ourselves, see I knew it wouldn’t work, and I
knew I would only end up getting hurt again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">The hurt will heal, the pain will
subside, we will recuperate and live another day. Let us take lessons from the
mistakes. Let those wounds of past loves show us the way to new loves. Allow
ourselves to live fully, wholeheartedly and with great passion. For in the end
love is really all there is, the rest we make up out of the fear of living and
failing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="background: white; font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">This is the season we remind ourselves, to love, to give, to make an
effort. Push the fears aside, take the risk, we get one life and it is so worth
the living…</span>Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-35049434875785517882017-11-30T05:45:00.001-08:002018-03-26T18:56:19.526-07:00The Power of Hate<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">How many times have I said, "oh I just hate that", far too many is how many. Take a moment think of something you have said this to or about, close your eyes, now pay attention to your body as you say it out loud again. Feel the way your body reacted, your breathing, the posture of your body. Hate has a huge impact on us not just emotionally, but physically as well. Why would I allow anything to have this much power over me? When I hate something it consumes my thinking. I can push it aside for a moment then someone will mention that which is the object of my discomfort and I'm off again thinking and focusing on that which has become my master and made me the slave.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I remember two people in my life I swore I hated with everything in me. Yes they lived in my head all the time. I would decide to do something and then think, what would "he" think about this and how would "he" react to my choice, my decision? I spent so much time focused on what "he" would think, even though neither of them were in my life any longer, that I became somewhat emotionally paralyzed incapable of making decisions for the worry of those conversations in my head. Something had to change.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">That something was forgiveness. Take a deep breath, it will be okay. I know many will immediately think of that person, place or thing, and the hate sets in and begins its take over thoughts. Try for this moment to not allow that to happen. For just a moment breathe in and out allow your mind to settle for a moment. Now what if I release that person, place or thing from my mind and say out loud "I forgive you". The fear is I will loose control if I forgive them. The fact is that forgiveness releases me from their hold. That very hold that has kept me from being who I really am, being my authentic self now has no more power. Forgiveness is rarely about the other person and always about myself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In forgive my mind is no longer consumed with that over whelming desire to get even, get revenge, to punish them. I can now focus on what is important to me. This forgiveness doesn't mean I forget what happened, how badly I was hurt, how horrible my life was at the time. It does allow me to walk away from the past and the hold it had on me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hate is a word I rarely use these days. I may say I really dislike something, but I longer have to be consumed with it every waking hour. To move forward, I release and let go of that which has bound me emotionally. We have learned to tolerate things in our lives and try to live around that which is uncomfortable and unwanted. Today I no longer tolerate that which I do not wanted in my life. I don't hate it, I let go of it and give it to my higher power to deal with. May today your find the ability to let go, stop hating and begin to love the life you have and focus on what is important and not that which is past. Stop now and start your new life. Find your authentic self and love that, nurture that, build that life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Best regards and Namaste!</span>Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-25078985820772833212017-11-29T07:48:00.003-08:002018-03-26T19:22:07.914-07:00I See Domestic Violence This Way<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With so many news stories of late about sexual harassment, sexual assault, sexual misconduct, etc, it causes me to pause and ask, what is going on? Actually nothing new as this has been around for centuries. Being a survivor of both domestic violence and sexual assault I have spent many years processing, forgiving and healing. The forgiveness to others for their actions against me was given to them for my personl benefit. Healing cannot take place until I choose to let go of their power over me and live may life to the best of my ability. This doesn't mean their actions were okay, nor that I forget about them, but that I no longer allow them to live in my head causing me to question and doubt my own choices and belief system. I trust my judgement and know I am making choices that are in my best interest.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My definition and of abuse, "Anything I Say or Do That Violates the Golden Rule". That definition was adopted by me from (Terry Moore's batterer intervention program; <a href="http://www.nonviolentalternatives.com/" target="_blank">Nonviolent Alternatives</a>), where I was fortunate enough to have worked for two decades. The program teaches people to look within their own heart and conscience to decide for themselves if the life they are living is lived with integrity or abusive thinking patterns that are then acted upon against others ultimately living without integrity and causing their own bad outcomes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We all have our moments of a lack of integrity, however a healthy thinking person will be made aware by their own mind/conscience, correct the wrong and work to not do it again. Once I have reconciled my conscience with the behavior and have deemed it abuse, I can no longer say, I didn't know that was abusive, thereby making any action of the same behavior in the future is done so by choice and disregard for others.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We keep asking ourselves over and over, why is "stuff" always happening to me? If the statement has ever passed through your head, I suggest (as the " AA big book" would say), make a deliberate searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Abusive actions are present in all of us. It is up to each individual to determine for themselves what needs changed in their life to bring their actions closer to the integrity they wish to live by and be seen by others as.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I recently had this conversation with a friend and stated that repeatedly trying to get someone to do something they don't want to do is abusive in nature. If they have told me, no I don't want to do that, then to insist upon my way to be had is abusive. The only action with integrity would be to respect <u>"their no"</u> and move on. This acceptance on our part is a show of integrity and the ability to allow others to have their way allows them to maintain their dignity and self respect. To do anything less is a lack of integrity and thereby is an abusive action.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While I know there will be those who disagree with this idea of self recognition being possible and others will look at it and state how insignificant the trespass was, and I would say to those individuals I appreciate your opinion and recognize your choice and would respectfully disagree. If I am continually giving up on my own values to be in a relationship, I AM in the WRONG relationship!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wishing all a day of joy, integrity and peace.</span>Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-88395072871615996262017-10-25T02:28:00.002-07:002017-11-03T06:32:39.968-07:00The Danger In Being "Brutally Honest"First let's just pull the word brutal out of the title and define it.<br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">(Brutal - In a savagely violent way. He was imprisoned and brutally tortured; in a direct way that does not attempt to disguise unpleasantness or ill-temperateness. She was unapologetic and brutally honest"</span></i><br />
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For me there is a huge difference in being honest with integrity and being brutal and hurtful with the truth. Expressing one's self with honesty requires me to treat even my worst enemy as I would want to be treated. Religious, nonreligious, Christian, Hindu, Buddha, no matter the title of belief, the core is the same. Treat others the way you would want to be treated.<br />
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When we preface our words with "brutally honest" it is telling ourselves that in this case I am excused of being kind or caring of the words I use as I am only speaking what is true and you need to know this no matter how I deliver the information to you. While it may be true and may need said it doesn't have to be said without care of the other person's feelings. Even when the other person is in the wrong. Two wrongs have never made a right. In the end no one gains anything useful in this practice. Being "brutally honest" does more harm than good as people are defensive and closed minded and will not hear the message anyway. They are too busy trying to find a way to retaliate. The truth isn't always pleasant or pretty, however we are capable of delivering the truth with the least amount of pain to the other person as possible. We may not be able to save them from the pain they will experience about the truth, however we do not need to add to their pain.<br />
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With so much deception in the world at this moment, being honest with ones self is paramount. If I can't be honest with myself, I definitely cannot be honest with anyone else. Herein lies the quandary we need to get to. I want to be honest but... There is no substitute for the truth. Can I deliver that truth with the least amount of pain as possible. Being a good friend doesn't mean I agree with you all the time, and it doesn't give me a right to be "brutally honest" There is no excuse for willfully injuring someone with words or deed. Our leaders have an opportunity daily to be an example of truth tellers, yet fail miserably in their efforts.<br />
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As parents and grandparents we have an obligation to teach our children the value of truth with as much kindness as possible. May your day be blessed and in turn may your expression bless others.Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-15345181585328925602017-05-06T12:53:00.001-07:002017-12-22T13:24:43.137-08:00Where Will You Stand In History?<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "inherit" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I read a posting by friend of a friend
and her words brought these words to mind for me. Thank you Alex Wolf…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "inherit" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">We as women (and those enlightened men
strong enough to include gender, sexual orientation, and nationality without feeling
emasculated) read the following phrase so differently than the current self
serving old white men in DC. "<i>The Preamble
to the Constitution</i> is clear as it starts <i>"We the people, to form a "more" perfect union"</i>; while
we were a fledgling union our forefathers had the foresight to see a document need
be put in place to protect future generations without regard or exception to all
living breathing persons with in our borders. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "inherit" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">What a sad lot the elected
officials have become in their execution of the law of the land. They seem to
be twisting those laws to be self- serving. While you may not be the representative
promoting exclusion or exception your silence solidifies your place in history.
It is time to stand up, speak out and
do the jobs you were elected to do. You, ladies and gentlemen of the House and
Senate, are to be the leaders, the people selected by "the people throughout
the United States", selected to represent our opinions and protect us all. Your election was to do the will of the
people in the best interest of the people without bias or concern of whether
you like or dislike those same people. Your bias is to never stand in the way
of doing your sworn duties.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "inherit" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">As an elected official you do not have
the luxury to plaque or acquiesce, but rather you are charged with the duty of understanding
the law of the land, and to follow rules that are for all not a privileged few,
and that the law is applied equally. It is time “our elected officials” start
acting like adults, stop fighting over whom the biggest, strongest, most liked,
has more money, or more influential and work together. It is time to show those people who voted for
you they were right in having faith in you and show the rest of us their vote wasn’t
misguided. Stop trying to divide us and
our nation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "inherit" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">At the end of the day all you truly have
is your conscience and integrity or lack thereof. There is no taking any worldly possession with you no matter
how hard you try. Do you want to be
remembered as the person who lead well during your life or as the person that
helped to divide a nation, who cheated the American public, whose gains were
gotten on the backs of the poor and who failed to protect and serve at a most crucial
time, but failed to take a stand for justice? It is up to you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-87797889231484265262017-03-25T06:56:00.001-07:002017-11-03T06:37:50.352-07:00Who I Am (is my choice)I was gently reminded today, by a text from a friend, of my responsibly to myself and others while living in a world that seems topsy-turby and out of control. My friend doesn't know this revelation, as she was actually thanking me for something she was grateful of which was connected to me. In her gratitude I realized I had been missing the mark of late. While I would love to pin the responsibility for my actions anywhere but with myself, I know in the end "the buck stops here, "Ouch!"<br />
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Acting as an adult, a person of integrity which can express herself in a positive manor, by no means, indicates I am a push over. People may mistake my none-action as a flaw or weakness. This is where we can get in to trouble, by becoming concerned about what others may say or think of our actions or none action. When our minds gets wrapped up in this emotional ping-pong game, it is easy to loose focus of the truth.<br />
<br />
So how do I defend my position, stand my ground? I do so in not participating with abusive actions or statements. I can deny your choice with non-accusatory words that explain my choice. I do not have to belittle or demean you in order for me to have what I want or need. Integrity is always a choice. Instead of yelling at you and telling you how wrong you are, I can choose to say "I understand your point, although my experience has been different than yours and I will have to think more about your opinion". I can respect your opinion and still disagree. In expressing my opinion and taking a stand on the subject." There is no argument, no right or wrong in this exchange of thought and it leaves others with their dignity intact. I can oppose your view with facts that I have and believe. When we start calling each other names, blaming one an other for the problem, insisting this is all your fault, we are no longer debating the issue we are now judging each other. The topic is no longer in front of us and all focus on the problem has been lost. We have moved from listening and understanding to anger and resentment.<br />
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As I go through today I will make a precise and conscious effort to hear you, allow you space, allow your thoughts without judgement and stay focused on the problem.<br />
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May we all come together in love and settle the confusion of out world with peaceful measures. From my heart to yours. Namaste...Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-50472996578747755812016-11-23T07:43:00.002-08:002017-11-03T06:44:51.103-07:00My World Today Depending on one's background, family belief systems, spiritual influence, religious mandates, all will help to form our opinions on and about the world we live in and share with others. I was raised in a middle class home with my father, mother and two siblings. Our father passed when I was fifteen and in all that time I don't remember any conversation for or against the LGBTQ community or lifestyle. I did have a couple male cousins who, as I was to find out later, were gay. Again my immediate family made no change in how these men were treated or spoken to or about. Then at a family reunion one year two bothers started speaking to each other and the longer they talked the louder they became until both were screaming at the other. This would be my first introduction to the idea "there may be something wrong about that life style", even though at the time I still wasn't sure just what "that life-style" meant.<br />
<br />
This was over fifty years ago. Fifty years ago and we are still fighting over who can love whom, who have rights to live the way they want and who doesn't, who can have a family with two adults and children, and who can't or shouldn't based on their sexual orientation. I am an adult now and see the world through totally different lenses. I know and love several LGBTQ people. I attend church with them, celebrations of life, parties, theater, lunches and dinners with them. At the end of the day it is none of my business what two consenting adults do. Not everyone holds this belief. Many still want to tell others how to live and who to love and use the Bible and their personal interpretation of "the word" to shame and belittle them to prove this point.<br />
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Since this last election day, much has been said on this and other topics about religion, sexuality, national origin and what rules apply and whom they apply to. It seems if I have a famous name, live in a mansion, work at a top level position or born into privilege the rules don't apply to me. The rules are only for those of us who apparently are unable to think for ourselves in these matters. What has begun to be concerning to me is how narrow the approval list is becoming. Many social media sites are filled with so many misinformed and untrue stories. We continue passing these pieces along without taking the time to verify the substance or the validity of what we are reading.<br />
<br />
We are now living in one of those places in time that we have a stand to take on so many issues least we find ourselves repeating the not so distant past. This election has left many of us feeling blindsided by the outcome, still reeling from the news, while attempting to find our center again. We are worried and even scared about what is ahead of us. We are concerned too of how many of our friends lives, and our own lives for the matter, are in the path of those who would do harm to someone based on their heritage or sexual orientation. We can not desert these causes and the people we care about. More than ever we need to speak out when we hear predigest rhetoric, homophobic slurs, see racial profiling. Being that voice which stands for all people of all countries and nations.<br />
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It has also been brought to my attention people I though were of true liberal mind, are actually very conservative and do not agree with my own belief system. This is one of the most disappointing realities to come to terms with. There are people I love and care about, and will continue to care about though I now know this fact about them. This is where my integrity is tested, loving those around me though they do not see my world the way I see it.<br />
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One of the biggest lessons in life is how to agree to disagree and maintain everyone's dignity through it all. At the end of the day who is it I want around me, who is it I want to share my time and love with? These are the important questions for us all. How do I support you without betraying myself? So I shall act to the conscience within me and allow you to do the same. I shall, to the best of my ability, share a space that has been altered from its former self. I invite you to take stock, decide your own priorities and choose what your future holds.<br />
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May your Thanksgiving be filled with many blessings and much love.Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-62613527533297250142016-10-25T10:40:00.001-07:002016-10-25T10:40:33.577-07:00Domestic Violence Information Links and AssisantsMany events are planned and held in October around domestic violence. We attempt to educate the public, find more answers for ourselves when working with victims and abusive people. How do we help put an end to domestic violence? While we have made progress, we are still on a long road to the eradication of violence in our homes. We must first understand the mean of the words<br />
<br />
Domestic Violence, even the words don't go together. The dictionary defines to domesticate:<br />
(of an animal) tame and kept as a pet or on a farm: domesticated dogs;<br />
(of a plant) cultivate for food, naturalized, domesticated crops; and the third listed is noted as (<i><b>humorous - especially of a man)</b></i> fond of home life and housework, he is thoroughly domesticated.<br />
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If this is this is the way we look at this one word how do we begin to change the actions wrapped around, in and through lives where domestic violence exists? This definition fits with the long and deeply held belief that a woman's place is at home. I remember being a young girl playing house thinking about when I would one day be a woman and have my own husband, home and family. How wonderful it was all going to be. My parents had a good marriage, and they were kind caring people. Imagine my shock when I found out not all marriages were like that. From this experience I would later in life work to end domestic violence, by assisting victims and working with abusive people to change their thinking and thereby change their behavior.<br />
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When we see violence it imprints our brain this is becoming evermore understanding as brain mapping and study of homes where there is violence are observed. The stories shared by people who experience domestic violence can be found anywhere, any time of day or night in every sociological setting. Domestic violence know no boundaries in race, creed, religion, color, sexual orientation or economic standing. I invite you to learn about domestic violence, what it is and isn't. How to identify it, what to do if experiencing it for yourself or someone you know. There are many programs in each state that provide services for both victim and abuser. In Indiana, <a href="http://nonviolentalternatives.com/" target="_blank">Nonviolent Alternatives</a> provides program designed to identify abusive behavior and correct it so people may live happier more fulfilling lives. Many programs across the state provide victim assistance, I suggest <a href="http://www.icadvinc.org/" target="_blank">Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence</a> if you are seeking victim assistance.<br />
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As we study more and learn more it has been found the brain of children witnessing violence become "marked" with affects of the violence they hear and see. Learning how our brain is effected with help us to deal with the problems of children living in homes where domestic violence is happening <a href="https://changingmindsnow.org/" target="_blank">Brain changes due to domestic violence</a>. How do we stop domestic violence, by protecting our children from it and providing them with loving caring homes. Domestic violence is a cyclical problem among families whose lives are surrounded and interwoven with domestic violence.<br />
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Changing these patterns requires we begin to address the way our society looks at violence in general, how women are treated and mistreated, accepting there is a rape culture alive and mingled in our neighborhoods, our system of education and still in many professions.<br />
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Be a part of the change. Don't standby and without speaking up. The future of our children depend on you getting involved, being a leader, a better informed parent and living as an example of a violent free lifestyle.<br />
<br />Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-17749334290556776312016-10-14T13:03:00.002-07:002017-10-25T03:12:41.716-07:00Domestic Violence Awareness Month-Oct 2016<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif";">Each year in October the Indiana Coalition
Against Domestic Violence holds their annual two-day conference.Officially formed
in 1980 and dedicated to ending the devastating conditions that surround abusive
relationships. Women and men from all over Indiana gather to learn more about
how they can assist victims of domestic violence. It has been my honor to have
been a member of the coalition since 2000 as well as a presenter in more than
one conference. In 2014 I was honored as the recipient of their award for
“Batterers Intervention Professional of the year".<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif";">In prior years intervention was the focus
sharing experience and creating policies
that would eventually form the coalition to its current status. In the beginning, the goal was focused on
intervention and assistance to women and children needing to leave and had no
idea where to go or what to do to protect themselves from the person who was supposed
to love them the most. Eventually, monies
became available through federal grants to build shelters and provide a structured and cohesive
response to the victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. The focus has now shifted to prevention work and
how to change the cultural acceptance of violence in our families, homes,
schools, and neighborhoods throughout our state which leads me to the here and
now.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif";">Giving all the work set forth by so many I find
it appalling the (Indiana) Governor (now running as the possible next VP of the
nation) can in good conscience support and condone the behavior of his running
mate, whose actions are the very definition of intimidation and threats to achieve his goal of control over another
person, a woman. This behavior has been
witnessed by anyone who has a television or internet connection. There seems to
be no escaping it. </span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Mike Pence said he didn’t understand why Michelle Obama had so passionately condemned his running mate. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This same governor will tell you he doesn't condone the behavior then
offer excuses for it stating “the man apologized for his poor choice of words,
but they were just words so let’s move on''. Moving on means dismissing the
countless number of domestic violence and sexual assault victims everywhere.
Moving on says we accept this behavior. Moving on says we are not protecting
our future generations. Moving on says we still have much to learn and
understand about men and women and the acceptable behavior between them.</span><br />
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<span style="background: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif";">As a teenager many years ago, I saw my cousin
after her boyfriend beat her, leaving her bleeding and broken in a heap on
her front porch. The neighbors called the police who came and told her there
was nothing they could do, maybe she needed to stay clear of him for a few days
and let him cool down. They hadn’t seen the beating and therefore couldn’t
arrest him. I was around thirteen at the time and I can remember thinking, “when
I get a boyfriend I won’t choose one that would hit me.” Why had she been in a relationship like this?
So three years later when my boyfriend hit me, I told no one and hid my secret
and carried the shame that I too had made such a bad choice in choosing a
boyfriend. I must have done something wrong, what did I do to make him so made?
These are the same questions victims ask themselves on a daily basis. Too many times believing if they change some
aspect of themselves his behavior will therefore change.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif";">Typical to all domestic violence victims, we
blame ourselves hoping that we can just correct that one word that one action
that made him act this way. Somehow if we could do just that it will all change,
it will somehow magically go away. I
know if I just love him more, not interrupt him, be sure all his needs are met,
I know if I can do this it will be different.
But it isn’t different it is the same over and over again. Eventually we
become broken and defeated and too tired to fight any longer. People ask “why
do you stay with someone who treats you so badly?” It seems like such a simple question however
it has a very complex answer. No one wants to be in a relationship like this
but feels trapped by either him or a society that doesn’t get it or both. I can’t begin to count the number of times I
have heard women say, “If a man ever hit me that it would be the last time”. “No
one is going to treat me that way and get away with it.” <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif";">The ugly truth of it is once we reach the level
of being hit, other abusive tactics have beaten us down, weakened our spirit
and left us feeling exposed and domed to live this horrible nightmare forever.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif";">Now we have someone running for the highest
office in our country and he is displaying the same type of behavior. There are
men who run our government siding with him, excusing his actions. Clergy are
stepping up to explain away his behavior, he is just using” locker room-man
talk and isn’t out of line, but rather a women trying to be better, higher than
a man in service is the problem. I heard a preacher speak these words, “man was
not made to be directed by a woman, it is an assault to the law of nature and
God’s commandments. There are those who
would take away our rights as women to have a say in our own lives, to vote, to
make our own decisions about our bodies.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="background: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif";">We must be a united front against such atrocities.
We must stand shoulder to shoulder and scream it to the highest mountain and
the farthest shore, I am a woman, I have rights, and I am an individual with
feelings, needs and power of my own. We shall not go backwards it would be akin
to a slap in the face to those who came before us. We owe this to our children both
girls and boys. Teach of children to
reason, to have opinion without being abusive when sharing that opinion. To
think beyond today and to reach for the stars for they are theirs to have.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "sans-serif";">I will close with this request, after
reading this you will make a pledge to yourself and all the children of the
world, you will not stand ideally by and do or say nothing about the violence and treatment of women and children. We owe them better
than that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-59621311587233225432016-10-11T09:58:00.000-07:002018-03-26T19:04:06.958-07:00Declaring My Peace<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The last couple days which have been filled with the election,not really the election, but of the individual rantings of who is the worse of the two people, which one election day will be chosen as our next POTUS. I have watched and listened to the ongoing tirade of each other realizing I have also been a part of this free for all. I found myself last night thinking of the many negative and often cruel posts. This morning as I made my usual peruse of social media I realize I have allowed my thoughts to be guided by others more than by my own convictions and feelings. I allowed past experiences to creep into my here and now, triggering very old and painful memories which were the catalyst to the eventual work I would find myself very dedicated to. I am appalled by the way women are objectified, belittled and written off as a second class and sometimes not even that, but as belongings and property. I feel<span id="goog_1761913557"></span><span id="goog_1761913558"></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a> I have a responsibility to myself to maintain my own character within my statements and affirming of others. I can and must speak out, but rather than doing so in away that is negative, which is what gets us pulled in, I capable of disagreeing with integrity. I can speak my truth and only my truth, I make a choice to speak a positive truth (I believe she/he is the person for the job based on their attributes and strengths) and not on mud slinging and bashing someone. If I am focused on negative, I bring more negative by participating in it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So here we are in the mist of it. How do I speak my truth without berating someone else? By stating what I want for myself and the world rather than what I don't want. Though many believe it is of little use and even futile in practice, I have my own evidence to the contrary how speaking the positive impacts our lives. My spirituality says "thoughts held in mind, produce light kind". Over and over again I have evidence it is true. Over and over again when I do not stick to my truth, I step into the past with all that it held while I watch the effects of old behavior creeping back to wreck havoc on my present. For nearly two decades I have also worked in the field of domestic violence providing my learning and understanding to others seeking to find a better way. I not only owe it myself to continue to seek truth, I also owe it to those I counsel and future generations. It can most assuredly be a challenging quest but one worth taking.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If I go about my day blindly, randomly affirming this and denying that, at the end of the day I have to look at myself and ask what is important to me, what is mine to do, what is really at the very center of my conscience? I have spent much of the last fifty or so years defining and refining my truth, building a good conscience to guide me. I sit here realizing that once I step over that so very fragile line of conscience I risk loosing myself in the complicit pool of non-direction and confusion.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">No matter how many times I denounce another as worse, the outcome of my reality will rest in my actions. I have a responsibility to apply this learning and these conscience driven guidelines to my decision for the up coming election. While slogans, lies and truth about differences in the two candidates are tossed around, the final decision will be made on election day when each of us step into the voting booth expressing our voice with the vote of own conscience.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">To live in peace and harmony, I must first declare it within myself.</span></b></div>
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<br />Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7036213080236846409.post-45738976043030679552016-09-26T13:00:00.000-07:002018-03-21T16:42:19.610-07:00Just Makes Me Shake My HeadI received an email today from a family member referring to the Top 10 list of why America looks so stupid. I don't know where this list came from but it looks suspiciously like someone supporting a very far right view point, and the following is their list of what they deemed as stupidity.<br />
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<b>Only in America:</b><br />
<ol>
<li>could the rich people - who pay 86% of all income taxes, be accused of not paying their "fair-share" by the people who don't pay any income taxes at all.</li>
<li>could you collect more tax dollars from the people than any nation in recorded history, still spend a trillion dollars more than it has per year for a total spending of seven million per minute and complain that it doesn't have nearly enough money.</li>
<li>could you have to pass a drug test to get a pay check if you work, yet any crack head can get their welfare check no questions asked.</li>
<ol>
<li><span style="color: purple;">Drug testing isn't required for all jobs in the United States. Most company require them because they can, not because they are mandated to do so. There are some jobs like flying an airplane, a school bus driver, trucks on the road and others that are mandated and I for one am very happy they do. If you are complaining about taking a drug test, maybe there is something going on in your own life they might need a closer look.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: purple;">When testing this theory it becomes too cost prohibitive to do. In cases where this was applied, less than 1% tested were positive for drug use. You, the American public would be paying more for the testing than the assistance the government provides to the people on assistance. Many people who use drugs hold down jobs. Most of those receiving assistance are not drug users.</span></li>
</ol>
<li>you need to present a driver's license to cash a check or buy a alcohol, but do not have to do so when voting.</li>
<ol>
<li><span style="color: #a64d79;">Here is Indiana's requirements and I for one believe I should be asked to show ID. <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=voting+id+laws&rlz=1C1AVNE_enUS649US649&oq=voting+and+id&aqs=chrome.5.69i57j0l5.10035j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#eob=va/2/10/m.03v1s" target="_blank">Indiana requirements</a></span></li>
</ol>
<li>could the people who believe in balancing the budget and sticking by the country's Constitution be called extremists.</li>
<li>could they make people who want to legally become citizens wait in their home countries and pay tens of thousands of dollars for the privilege, while they discuss letting anyone who sneaks into the country illegally just "magically" become an American citizen.</li>
<ol>
<li><a href="https://www.usa.gov/become-us-citizen" target="_blank">How to become a citizen</a> </li>
</ol>
<li>could they have terrorist kill people in the name of Allah and have the media primarily react by fretting that Muslims might be harmed by the backlash.</li>
<ol>
<li><a href="http://www.globalresearch.ca/non-muslims-carried-out-more-than-90-of-all-terrorist-attacks-in-america/5333619" target="_blank">Non-Muslims Carried Out More than 90% of All Terrorist Attacks in America</a></li>
</ol>
<li>could they have had the two people most responsible for our tax code, Timothy Geithner (head of the Treasury Dept and Ways and Means Committee) turn out to be a tax cheater who is in favor of higher taxes.</li>
<ol>
<li><span style="color: purple;">It is unfortunate, every job has it's problem people and when exposed need to be dealt with</span>.</li>
</ol>
<li>could people claim that the government still discriminates against black Americans when they have a black president, attorney general and roughly 20% of the federal workforce is black, while only 14 % of the population is black, 40 (+%) of all federal entitlements goes to black Americans, three times the rate that goes to whites, and five times the rate that goes to Hispanics</li>
<ol>
<li><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/red-room/donna-ballman-does-discri_b_939853.html" target="_blank">Does Discrimination Still Exist, Of Course It Does</a></li>
</ol>
<li>could liberal politicians talk about the greed of the rich while charging $35 thousand per plate to attend an Obama campaign fund-raising event.</li>
<ol>
<li><a href="http://www.politico.com/story/2015/02/jeb-bush-fundraiser-100k-per-ticket-115086" target="_blank">2015 Jeb Bush 100K per plate fund raiser</a></li>
</ol>
<br />I won't take the time to address each point, and I know there are those whose minds cannot be changed and are unwilling to listen to any point of view that doesn't reflect their own thinking. </ol>
<ol><b>So here are a few of things I believe: </b><br />I believe black Americans and others (Hispanic, and women) are still being discriminated against, having a black president doesn't mean discrimination doesn't exist it only means there were enough non-biased people willing to elect him and if this is the only proof you have to stand on when discussing discrimination, you still DO NOT understand discrimination. I believe under the constitution we have the right to not stand at the national anthem, there is no law that states I must stand. On any given day watch C-spam or the channel that videos the house and senate and see how many of them do not stand for the pledge. If you look up the complete lyrics to the nation anthem, you will find within it there are words of discrimination and bias. I do not believe we build a strong America by refusing to look at our misguided antiquated ways and blaming all our problems on the African-American or Hispanic population or feminist, these are all a cop out. <br /><br />We live in an America where women and children are not safe in their own homes from husbands or boyfriends who profess to ''love" them. We live in an America where rape and dating violence is blamed on the victim and the perpetrator (when white and a star in his collage or from a privileged home) is not held to the same standards of the law as people of color or sexual orientation). A-typical white males are taught the definition of a man is to be tough, get what you want at all cost, don't be some sissy with feelings don't cry in public and don't let anyone think you are weak. We belittle our daughters by telling them they are the reason boys behave badly, and they shouldn't dress like they do or go to the places they go (by the way this is an example of discrimination between genders). Sex is selling everything in commercials from candy to drain-o and we allow it. This double standard between or sons and daughters has been around for a very long time.<br /><br />We live in an America where people get fifty years prison sentences for selling or using marijuana while fathers and boy friends rape and/or kill their "loved ones" and get much lesser punishment, the most resent evidence is the collage boy who received 6 month probation after being found guilty of sexual assault on an unconscious woman. During sentencing the judge stating there was no reason to do further damage or do anything which might jeopardize the further of the bright young man. After all he is young and has a life not yet lived. CNN <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2016/06/06/us/sexual-assault-brock-turner-stanford/" target="_blank">Brock Turner</a><br /><br />People say they are pro-life when what they actually are is anti-abortion. Pro-life would include the care and rearing of the child(ren). This is my body and I am not the property of the state. Women can't be forced to have children then given no means to take care of them. Too many young women find themselves in a position of an unwanted pregnancy and she is the only one forced into the caring of this child. She is asked, "why did you let this happen to you?" The other half of this equation has no responsibility thrust upon him and goes on living his life and impregnating how many more women? When she asks for help she is told there is no help, get off your lazy ass, stop having kids and get a job. The only job out there is minimum wage and which offers no benefits and less money than is needed to support her child and herself. It is a no win situation and we blame her for all the problems in our society. She has dropped out of school and has no marketable skills.</ol>
<ol>We have privatized prisons making them a business that has to make a profit so more and more people are tossed away, but we can't seem to find an affordable education system which provides the means to teach our children so they may become productive adults. We cheer and glorify athletes on Sunday paying outrages ticket prices for the privilege doing so, and build monuments to them and tell our teachers on Monday we are sorry there is just no extra money to teach our children just do the best you can. We teach to pass a test not to live a life. We are cheating our children of a prosperous future.</ol>
<ol>I believe we should help the poor. More than 16 million children, or roughly one in five, live in poverty, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. That is higher than any other age group. Among 18- to 64-year-old, the poverty rate was 13.7 percent, while among seniors the rate was 8.7 percent. We cannot hold freedom high and then refuse it to the most needy among us. We have to find a better way if we are to continue to be even a semblance of a free world leader.</ol>
<ol>I do believe there needs to be tougher gun laws, no one needs an automatic weapon to go squirrel hunting. We stand back and rage war on other countries for their dismissal of human rights blaming them for all of our problems, yet dismiss the taking of lives of innocent children in our schools, shopping malls, places of worship, and entertainment spots in order to maintain the perceived right to carry a gun that can destroy multiple human lives in seconds, we are truly missing the mark and clearly do not understand the constitution and what the second amendment means.<br /><br />There are some real misguided "facts" about immigration. We cannot blame Hispanics and Muslims for our problems, we created problems for ourselves. Building a wall is counter productive to the "freedom" we like to toss out there for all to see. It appears we violate those freedoms and toss "right" to side when it suits us. We have immigration laws in place and when followed they work. There is a process for those wishing to live here legally. They can be here while waiting out this process. We blame Hispanics for taking our jobs while refusing to do the job. While U.S. manufacturers move jobs outside the U.S. borders.</ol>
<ol>As a believer in a higher power I believe what Jesus taught and that was to accept one another, and treat others the way I would want to be treated. To tell the truth and be respectful no matter how disrespectful others may be. It means helping others when I can and doing so without expectation of anything in return. I cannot go to church on Sunday turn my back on others on Monday. I will vote my conscience in November and my vote will be with the person I see more qualified to lead our nation. At the moment we have to adhere to the only laws an means of voting. At some point maybe we need to consider a restructure of that system. A fact we might consider when looking at how hard congress has fought President Obama over the past eight years. He was able to make some changes for the better, but could have made so many more had the Republicans not fought him tooth and nail at every step.</ol>
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So while you may not agree with anything I believe in, I accept and respect your views while disagreeing with them. May we all find the truth we seek while holding respect for the other. I can disagree without being a bully or tyrant.</div>
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Mattiescollectionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000045517982981748noreply@blogger.com0