Trial By Public

I just finished watching an old documentary about a man who killed his wife and unborn child. All through the program, people everywhere had an opinion. Crowds gathered at the victim's home, with news people and their photographers constantly watching, ready to pounce whenever anyone connected to the case appeared. It didn't matter if the person was connected to the victim or the perpetrator.

One side was sure he did it; the other, no, he didn't. The people were seemingly normal everyday people, standing, chanting, prodding to get a response. Waiting for the moment that said, Aha, we got you.

Why are we so interested in other people's lives? Why do we seem to believe we have some sort of right to know? People are being tried and convicted in public opinion long before there is evidence to prove they did it. I know some would say, no big deal; they will get over it if they didn't do anything. The truth of the matter is, lives are forever disrupted, some even ruined beyond imagining. But the observers bear no responsibility for the chaos they helped create. They go on with their lives as usual until the next newscast provides another case to remark on.

Eventually, the accused appears in court to face attorneys, judges, and juries. Trials can become marathons, and the people still attend for that moment they have been holding their breath to hear. Guilty or not guilty. When the crowd hears "their chosen" response, they cheer at the conviction. They clap and jump for joy, chant, and state that is what they deserve for the crime they were found guilty of. How is it that we gather so much joy in the pain of others?

Looking back over history, public executions were common. People made a day of it to stand in the crowd of townspeople to witness the beheading of queens, thieves, and traders. Sadly, we haven't found our humanity in all these years.  We still want the scoop, to be an eyewitness, to scream our opinion to the universe. Social media has become the best friend of anyone wishing to express their point of view. They share them easily without facts in hand. They post: what should happen to the accused before there is evidence, before there is a day in court.

I am in no way suggesting people should not be held accountable for their actions; I am, however, of the mind that we need more facts before we speak, if we should speak at all. I found no need to rejoice in another human being's downfall.  I will undoubtedly get pushback for my words, and that is okay with me. I prefer to rejoice in the everyday good and leave the rest to a higher power.

That Special Day Called Valentine

He arrives at the door after work, inhand the flowers he bought on his way home. He thinks of the night before, and can't remember what came over him. But he knows the flowers will set it all right again, they always do.

As the door opens, she waits on the other side, her breath held, waiting to see his mood before speaking. There was a fight last night, and he believes it was all smoothed over.  For her, it was another night of guessing, fancy footwork to dodge the emotions of the man she believed she loved. Tonight, the door opens to a smile and "how's my best girl?" After all, it's Valentine's Day, and he wanted to surprise her.

This scene will be played out over and over as husbands and wives spend the evening together. For some, it will be fancy dinners, late movies, dancing, romance, the works. Others enjoy the comfort of home to celebrate their love quietly without fanfare, just knowing all is well, and love exists.

For victims of domestic violence, flowers can be a trigger. Flowers can bring memories of past Valentins filled with fear and forboding. Waiting for the moment when the look in his eye changes, when the flashing smile becomes his tight lips with clenched teeth. Flowers don't always carry the delights of romance and compassion. For some, flowers put a knot in her stomach, a warning in her brain, a fear in her heart.

One in four women and one in seven men will be victims of domestic violence in their lifetime. Flowers won't comfort, and lovely words may be the prelude to a night of accusations and arguments. Together we can change lives, promote equality, and provide safe spaces and a future without violence. Together, we can create a world where domestic violence isn't acceptable and is not tolerated. Won't you join me in building the new world? Contact your local shelter to see what you can do.  We all deserve to be safe.